Subscribe now to receive new weekly essays by email!
Hello and Goodbye - Essentials for good relationships.
The Beatles once sang “Hello Goodbye,” as an expression of duality in communication between two persons. However, although we all have occasions when we greet and when we take our leave, we usually do so not in opposition, but as complementary aspects of our relationships. On a phone call, our hello is usually at the beginning with goodbye at the end. When those we live or associate with leave for the day or for longer, we wish them well with a goodbye and later, welcome them back. These are occasions not of separation but of unity.
We also welcome people into our lives and sometimes welcome new ways of making sense out of life itself when we have no thought of ever saying “Goodbye.” With matters that are more of the spirit than of physical limitations, we are much freer as to our taking in and our letting go. We might, for example, spontaneously say “Hello” to a sudden and welcome opportunity that comes to us, and likewise say “Goodbye” to a concept or perspective that we now recognize as no longer belonging in our lives.
In our relationship with God, as with everyone else, a greeting of some kind is appropriate when we meet, as is also an acknowledgment of leave-taking when we part. Ignatius of Loyola, who had learned about courtesy while being educated in the court of a royal official, taught that whenever we consciously enter the presence of God in prayer, we should begin with the equivalent of a hello, rather than just starting to talk about what might be on our minds. Likewise, Ignatius urged upon those who had come to the end of a conversation with God, even when no words had been involved, to make a conscious expression of conclusion rather than to just move on to other activities.
In our closest relationships, we have many ways for expressing welcome into our personal spaces that are informal and often non-verbal, just as we also have a variety of signals for when a specific interaction is about to end. Subtle as some of these hellos and goodbyes might be, they communicate love very effectively, while their absence might give the impression, or even reflect a reality, of taking someone for granted. We do not want to be taken for granted ourselves, and although we and God can still love those who do not observe such courtesies of care, our relationships are improved by use of them and diminished without them.
Whether we sing, speak, or relate without words, our manner of greeting and of parting usually contain the clearest signs of the depth of our appreciation for those with whom our lives are interwoven. Our ways of communicating hello and goodbye convey the truth that is in our hearts.
Last Updated 4/18/2024