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Tough Love - Truth conveyed in love.
Although tough love is not a precisely defined expression, we understand that not all manifestations of love are necessarily pleasing to those who are the intended recipients. However, if love is the motive for something we say or do in our relationships with others, whether poorly communicated or if not well received, such love is still good by our intention. We know the difference between love and attempted manipulation of others, or between demonstrations of love and those of anger, or between love that desires to help and the words and actions that seek control.
When we speak truth to others from a place of love, we cannot be certain of the response we will receive. That is always the way of love: it must be given freely, and it might be accepted or it might not. Most of us know some people well enough to be almost sure of a positive acceptance of whatever we say, even if it might cause some discomfort, because we take into consideration our previous experiences with them in choosing when and in what manner to communicate our truth. In other situations, especially when speaking truth to power, we may have almost the opposite expectation of acceptance, but our decision to convey the conviction of our hearts to someone can still be a gift of love, even if it is rejected or treated with hostility.
No matter how strongly we are motivated by love, most of us feel incapable of speaking truth to the kind of power that is not only beyond our reach but will not listen. Tough love seems, in such a situation, too difficult for us to even consider. But we have an effective option. We can take our concerns to the one who has absolute power, not with any notion of winning God to our side, but so that we can come to align our love and truth with God’s love and truth. By so doing, we regain a sense of power that is appropriate for doing what we can with whatever qualities and capabilities we have.
Through prayer, we will not likely be made suddenly capable of directly addressing our concerns to formerly inaccessible power, but we will very likely be able to convey our message to those we know, and who might, even if they do not come to agreement with us, benefit from their recognition of the sincerity with which we speak. God, who alone comprehends the entire picture of people and events, will enable us, when we ask for light, grace, and courage, to see when, where and how we can exercise tough love. We can and will communicate the truth in our hearts with the love that we have received from God.
We are all capable of exerting tough love for the benefit of others when we rely on God for inspiration.
Last Updated 4/18/2026