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Our Expectations - We decide which expectations to hold of ourselves.
Some people deliberately expect the worst to happen, so that they can feel good if events turn out to be better than they had thought. Others expect that no matter what takes place, they will find some good in it. We can determine our expectations, but not the events that we anticipate. Our expectations generate consequences, not just in the way we perceive reality, but in the effects that events have upon us.
We can test the results of our expectations by reflecting on some of our recent experiences, or by engaging in some imaginative scenes of our own creation. For example, we could imagine having two different expectations about a dinner gathering at which the topic of politics might be raised by someone. We could imagine a worst-case situation in which arguments break out and we become greatly upset, and we could also imagine that if the subject was raised, we would manage to deal peacefully with it. We could then reflect on how we felt as we imagined the two different scenes. Which seemed the better expectation? We can make similar conscious choices, determining for ourselves which expectations to hold.
Setting expectations is more than a mentally healthy way to deal with reality. Our spirituality is integral with mental and physical health; we are whole people, in whom all our capabilities are guided by the decisions we make. The more we are aware of what we are doing and why we are doing it, the more fully human we are. When we speak and act from interior freedom, we act spiritually, bringing complementary unity to the physical, mental and emotional aspects of our human experiences, including our expectations.
If we find ourselves frequently using expressions like, “I am expected to . . .” or “They expect me to . . .” we might well be minimizing our own responsibility for accepting as obligatory whatever we believe others expect of us. Of course, we are not always free to do anything we want. But, for the sake of our own integrity, we owe ourselves respect by consciously deciding which expectations of others we will accept. We also respect others, especially God, by honestly communicating with them about expectations we think they might have of us.
We are capable of some very good expectations: those that arise from our deepest aspirations, which we have freely chosen to pursue as our own. For example, if we hold the expectation that we will be a caring person, we orient ourselves in a direction that is both positive and realistic, even if we do not always succeed in every instance. Without such expectations of ourselves, we will more likely rely, often resentfully, on the expectations of others to direct us.
We all have expectations. Let them be consciously ours.
Last Updated 5/9/2026